I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
Does leaving at 3 give Sara enough time to take the bus or are you picking her up?
I cant tell if your joking or not, but I'm picking her up
Do you need some kind of permission slip from her parents or can anyone just go and grab a high schooler these days?
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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