i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
