i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
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