I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
