Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Randomize
