I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
Randomize
