I like to think it a success when the cops are called
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Randomize
