My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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