At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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