i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
