u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
