how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
