As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
