bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize
