Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
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