this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Randomize
