Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
