Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
Randomize
