he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Randomize
