Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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