You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
