She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
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