Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
