hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
Randomize
