$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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