More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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