dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
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