Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Randomize