You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize