Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
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