Did you just see the Batmobile???
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
