Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Randomize
