I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
Randomize
