He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Randomize
