"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
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