Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize
