Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
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