There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
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