You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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