well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
But break dance skills will only take you so far
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
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