hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
