the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
I need to sanitize my soul.
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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