You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
Randomize
