You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
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