I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize