if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
