all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Randomize
