he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Randomize
