I'm going to jail i love you
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
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