we're blogging at a bar
a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
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