i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
