I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
