You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
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