the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
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