i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
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