He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
This show inspires me to have sex in space
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
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