i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
Randomize
