i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
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