I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
