If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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