I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
Randomize
