Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
farters have to be the big spoon...
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
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