I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
Randomize
