I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
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