a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Randomize
