We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize
