After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
