dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Randomize
